yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
