Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize