you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
