Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
