Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
