No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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