Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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