Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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