i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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