If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
