best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
