what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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