Say something about gay babies.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
