I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
