I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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