the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
