Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
