I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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