tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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