his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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