you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
