your parents love me but you hate me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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