You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
