I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
