My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
