I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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