Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I died a long time ago.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
