I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
