Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
