I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize