If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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