am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
