Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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