so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
