oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
