The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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