oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize