last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
