I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
