I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
