im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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