I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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