My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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