I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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