a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
