i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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