How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
