This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
