Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
