I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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