omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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