Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
