She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
