Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
