A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
