But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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