She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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