Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
