So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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