Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i out mim tonsoeep
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
