He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
