you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
