So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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