weddingsv make me drug and hornr
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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