Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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