Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I believe in your delicious
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
