Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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