Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The air was thick with penises
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
