I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
