Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
