I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
