I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
