Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
