I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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