I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
