I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
