I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize