She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
