I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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