so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
