Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
