I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
