Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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