This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
