i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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