how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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