your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
